The 'After'

True love is something that is coveted by many, especially women, from a young age. We grow up watching movies and hearing stories of this perfect, once-in-a-lifetime love that completely shifts the trajectory of our lives. We see only a very small snippet of the story; there is only so much you can fit in a 90-minute movie or 400-page book, after all. Mostly we see the most "thrilling" part of the story, which is the very beginning. We see the main characters meet for the first time and slowly fall for each other. Most of the time, the story ends after they admit their mutual feelings and ride off into the sunset with upbeat music as the credits roll. That may be why, at least in my experience, we don't have any expectations for after the happy ending.

Now that I am two years into my marriage, I have thought about how my current relationship compares to the beginning. Somehow, I feel that it is even better now than it was when we were dating. It is thrilling to feel butterflies in your stomach for your first date and excitement over a first kiss, but I don't think those feelings fade if both parties maintain the magic. I still get butterflies going on dates with my husband. I think this is due to us treating each other as special as we did when we were dating. He still sends me flowers on random days to make me smile or call me every time he comes home from work just to talk to me. I think it's more fun being well into our marriage because we can enjoy each other's company without the nervousness and awkwardness that come with trying to get to know a stranger. I can be myself knowing I will be accepted and loved. I think that contributes to making another person feel like home to the soul.

The only catch is that it takes a lot of deliberate work to maintain a strong connection. Everyone has their flaws and imperfections. Cohabitating with another person who also has flaws takes time, effort, and communication. In my relationship, for example, I don't get to see my husband as often as others, so I have to set aside time to hang out with him when he is home, even if that is just napping next to him. I'll sit beside the tub while he's taking an ice bath and ask him about his week or I'll read next to him on the couch while he's working. Quality time is important to both of us so I make an effort to prioritize it when I can. We go out to eat when he's home and plan mini-getaways whenever he has an extended time off. Making each other feel special so that the long time apart is bearable has been key in our relationship.

I won't pretend that I know everything; I know that over time my relationship will grow and change because people change. However, I think working to maintain the magic will keep the foundation of our marriage unwavering and enduring. I think we operate under the assumption that the excitement goes away on its own and is an inevitable side effect of time. Comfort isn't the enemy of passion. Being able to be open and honest with another person leads to a deeper connection and a neverending exploration of self.