Our Own Best Friend

It's hard to be kind to yourself. For most people, they are their own worst critics. We constantly judge ourselves with the little nagging voice in the back of our heads. Whether it's a silly mistake, something we don't like about ourselves, or something embarrassing we've done, that voice is there to replay these negative thoughts. It can be overwhelming; all-consuming. I feel as though the older I get, the louder these thoughts become because I'm more aware of the things I can do wrong and the consequences seem larger. It can be uncomfortable dealing with this voice because we spend all of our time with ourselves, so it's constantly in the background of our minds. On the other hand, this could be the reason for us to be kinder to ourselves. We see all that we go through and our best qualities as much as the bad ones. It's really hard to expect people to see these good qualities and like us when we can't even like ourselves. It can be a very overwhelming internal struggle, but it's worth identifying when we are too hard on ourselves. We are responsible for making ourselves feel good - no one else can really do that for us. At least, not long-term.

We are all people trying to live long and happy lives. I think that most people forget that prioritizing and maintaining happiness is the main goal of life and it becomes really easy to forget in the modern world. We chastise ourselves for being too lazy or wallowing in self-pity when we ask dumb questions. Instead of recognizing that everyone needs breaks, we tend to push ourselves beyond our breaking point only to save face and maintain a "strong" exterior. But what really is the point of doing this? What does this achieve beyond making ourselves miserable - which is the opposite of our goals? Recognizing that we need help or rest isn't a weakness and isn't a reason to tear ourselves down. Being human means not feeling amazing all the time and not being efficient 24/7. We would be closer to robots than humans in that case. So, why do we have such high expectations of ourselves? And why do we only extend these astronomical standards to ourselves, but are often empathetic toward others in similar situations?

I don't really have an answer for any of these questions, but sometimes it helps me to remove myself from these thoughts and look at them from the outside. I can recognize that I seek validation from this voice in my head by pushing myself above and beyond in work, school, and exercise. The validation I get from succeeding keeps this voice at bay in the meantime. But as soon as I have free time, the thoughts creep back in. I recognize that I haven't fixed the issue at its source, I've only kept them at bay and exhausted myself to the brink of burnout in the process. Everyone has their own way of placating this critic that lives inside them. Sometimes it comes in the form of procrastinating because avoiding tasks means avoiding the possibility of failure. Sometimes we lean into criticism because we feel hopeless and it's easier than trying to change it.

It's frustrating to know that this criticism often comes from outside sources that we have become desensitized to. The nagging voice often isn't our own but in the face of so many opinions, we have forgotten what our true voices sound like. When we were young kids, we were all fairly confident and bold because the voice wasn't there to bring us down. We looked however we wanted because no one told us it was 'uncool' yet. We tried things we had never done before because we didn't know we could do them 'wrong'. We made mistakes fearlessly because there weren't any huge consequences yet. And as we got older, we learned to be ashamed of ourselves. It's unfair and I think it can be undone with time. As long as we aren't hurting others, why should we be so mean to ourselves? There is no reason at all to make ourselves feel so bad all the time.

I think it would take a lot of reprogramming of the mind, but I think it can be done. Every time I think something negative about myself, I try hard to stop myself and think about where the true source of that thought stems from. I often find the thought really isn't mine at all. For example, if I think "I am being selfish for not helping my friend," I can trace this thought back to when I was in a toxic friendship. The person tried manipulating me into believing that setting boundaries for myself when I was uncomfortable was a selfish act. In the Disney movie, Luca, the boy calls the voice in his head that is fearful of trying new things, Bruno. When he and his friend are about to ride their bicycle off a steep cliff and he tries to back out, his friend tells him to repeat "Silencio Bruno!" This example displays quite literally separates this nagging voice from himself by giving it a different name and telling it to be quiet.

I think in order to get through life we have to be our own best friends. Not in an arrogant and self-absorbed type of way. only you know all of your best traits and dreams. Life is harsh enough as it is without us tearing ourselves down. As long as we are trying our bests and doing what we can to be good people, I think that is reason enough to like ourselves. We often extend kindness and love toward others; it's about time we turn that light inward as well.