Kindness is not weakness

"You're not from around here, are you? You're too nice."

I was shocked. I had only said to the desk lady at my local vet that it was okay that she couldn't get certain medications for my dogs until they had been seen at that location. It was out of her control, after all. Why would I make a fuss about it? It was a very slight inconvenience, but nothing to get angry about. While she brought my dog back for a routine vaccination I heard her say: "The owner is so nice!"

This encounter was over a week ago but I haven't been able to shake it from my mind. I was flattered of course, but also a little sad. How often was she mistreated by total strangers that she felt the need to comment on what I thought was completely normal behavior? The ever-increasing lack of empathy for others scares me. If we become numb to the suffering of others, what will that do to us as a whole? When people think of others as lesser, secondary things to themselves, it has led to some of the worst atrocities of mankind. It may sound like an exaggeration to say being a bit snippy with a desk clerk will lead to war, genocide, and other terrible things but where does the line end? With the constant exposure to death, sickness, war, and crime on TV and the internet, I think suffering people are beginning to become statistics at best and entertainment at worst.

While I don't have any solutions to massive global problems, I do think it would help to practice patience and kindness. People are so used to expedited services in the Age of the Internet that impatience has become an epidemic. Don't want to wait for food? Order via Doordash or Uber Eats. Want a new product tomorrow? Order through Amazon Prime and get it delivered overnight. Want to be entertained instantly? Open TikTok or YouTube and watch your favorite creators. There is no delay in gratification on the internet. But in real life, there are still things that cannot be instant or exactly to our liking. I am not arguing against these wonderful things that the internet has brought about. Many of these things make our lives much easier, entertaining, and more interconnected. However, it has worn down on our patience. Social Media sites especially are built as dopamine factories - places that have our brains constantly releasing the 'happy hormone'. And without it, we become irritable and suffer very real instances of withdrawal like the dopamine junkies we've become. Patience is a skill that can be enhanced with time. We have to be willing to practice. But most of all, we have to be willing to see other people as deserving of patience.

Kindness is an odd characteristic. On the surface, it is a good thing. But people often hurl it at others almost as an insult. It has often been said "You're too nice" or "Kindness is weakness". I don't believe either of those statements are true. Firstly, there is a difference between kindness and naivety or lack of boundaries. Kindness can be utilized without sacrificing the comfort of the giver. Kindness to oneself is one of the first that we need to uphold to correctly administer it to others. It's usually a lack of kindness we give ourselves that prompts us into a frenzy. If you forget to set your alarm the night before you need to be up early for work, and you're chastising yourself for forgetting the whole way there, odds are you're going to snap at Brenda from Accounting when she asks how your morning was. We owe it to be kind to ourselves first and foremost.

Secondly, the presumption that kindness is a weakness operates under the assumption that kindness is something passive. It is not. Indifference and apathy are passive. Kindness is very, very hard because we often need to use it at the times when it is the hardest to be kind. We remember most the stories of when people stood up for each other against oppression, articles of when people sacrificed their safety for others, the time when someone gave you the last cookie even though they wanted it because you'd been looking forward to it all day. Kindness is not easily summoned and equally not forgotten. Nothing that came easy would be worthwhile. It is much easier to turn a blind eye to other people's needs when we are consumed by our own. It is much easier to be critical of ourselves than accept that we are enough as we are. The smallest acts of kindness such as a smile or forgiveness of oneself cause chain reactions that ripple through the ordinary and important lives of everyone you meet. That is why kindness is worthwhile.